You Don’t Have to Fake It

A healthy ego needs self-assurance. Even those with spiritual aspirations of service need a certain amount of self-assurance. A healthy ego is not excessive or deficient, but sufficiently self-assured so that we can thrive in the world.  If we’re not thriving, then we’re of no use to anyone.

Self-assurance is a cultivated attitude of competence. Genuine self-assurance comes from the inside and works its way out. The seeds of self-assurance may or may not have been instilled in us when we were young, but now as adults, it’s up to us to do it. Self-assurance is a DIY, inside job.

Self-assurance means having a positive, realistic mindset that is based on our willingness to trust in our:

  • Skills, abilities and experience
  • Personal qualities
  • Our choices

These aspects of self-assurance are required if we want to achieve our goals and everything that’s important to us.

If we don’t have an attitude of self-assurance, or we need more of it to achieve a new goal, we can start by developing the skills and abilities we need to feel more confident about getting there.

  • Do you need to master public speaking?
  • Do you need to learn how to write well?
  • Do you need to learn how to think strategically?
  • Do you need to develop your creativity?
  • Do you need to learn how to deal better with conflict?
  • Do you need to learn how to welcome change?
  • Do you need to deepen your personal development?
  • Do you need to delegate or contract certain skills?
  • Do you need to update your qualifications, or gain a new one?
  • What do you need to do to feel competent?

Next, we can identify our positive personal qualities. Ask: What are my strengths? We need to consider all the qualities and characteristics that are important to us. Here are some examples:

  • Honesty
  • Courage
  • Creativity
  • Determination
  • Resilience
  • Integrity
  • Motivation

Then, we identify our negative personal qualities. Ask: What are my weaknesses? We should consider all the qualities and characteristics that tend to sabotage the things that are important to us. Here are some examples:

  • Guilt
  • Jealousy
  • Impulsiveness
  • Greed
  • Obsession
  • Possessiveness
  • Pride

Now, we need to think about our ability to choose wisely and make sound judgements and reflect on our list of personal qualities by asking:

  • Which positive personal qualities tend to motivate my decisions?
  • Which negative personal qualities tend to motivate my decisions?
  • Which qualities lead to success and greater self-assurance?
  • Which qualities tend to be my undoing?

When we make decisions based on our positive qualities, this creates positive intentions, which tend to produce better outcomes. Therefore, we’re less likely to self-sabotage, and much less likely to sabotage others. We’re also less likely to be the victim of sabotage.

There are some schools of thought that suggest self-assurance can be developed by faking it until we make it. This can work if we already have the necessary abilities, qualities and good judgement in place. Faking it until we make it won’t work if we haven’t attained the necessary skills and abilities to achieve what we set out to do. Faking it until we make it won’t work if we haven’t identified our strengths and weaknesses, or if we’re a bad judge of character. Our positive and negative personal qualities are the prime movers that drive our decisions in the right direction. Our skills and abilities, and our personal qualities can affect our judgment, which in turn, can influence our actions. Poor judgement reduces self-assurance. Sound judgements enhance self-assurance.

Self-assurance has the power to turn wishful thinking into reality. When we feel competent, we feel confident. It’s hard to trust in something we don’t have or own. Self-assurance can be gained by being competent in the skills and abilities necessary to achieve our goals. Gaining extra skills if we need them, and living up to our strengths, and being aware of our weaknesses, can increase self-assurance. Once we’ve identified and gained the required abilities, and we embody our personal qualities, and we’ve improved our capacity to make sound judgements, then our willingness to trust ourselves may be easier. A self-assured attitude can prevail. A confident mindset becomes a reality, so we won’t have to fake it.

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