A healthy ego needs self-assurance. Even those with spiritual aspirations of service need a certain amount of self-assurance. A healthy ego is not excessive or deficient, but sufficiently self-assured so that you can thrive in the world.  

If you’re not thriving, then you’ll be of no use to anyone.

Self-assurance is a cultivated attitude of competence. Genuine self-assurance comes from the inside and works its way out. The seeds of self-assurance may or may not have been instilled in you when you were young, but now as an adult, it’s up to you to do it. Self-assurance is a DIY, inside job.

Self-assurance means having a positive, realistic mindset that is based on your willingness to trust in your:

• Skills, abilities and experience
• Personal qualities
• Choices and decisions

These aspects of self-assurance are required if you want to achieve your goals and everything that’s important to you.

If you don’t have an attitude of self-assurance, or you need more of it to achieve a new goal, you can start by developing the skills and abilities you need to feel more confident about getting there.

• Do you need to master public speaking?
• Do you need to learn how to write well?
• Do you need to learn how to think strategically?
• Do you need to develop your creativity?
• Do you need to learn how to deal better with conflict?
• Do you need to learn how to welcome change?
• Do you need to deepen your personal development?
• Do you need to delegate or contract certain skills?
• Do you need to update your qualifications, or gain a new one?
• What do you need to do to feel competent?

Next, identify your positive personal qualities. Ask: What are my strengths? Consider all the qualities and characteristics that are important to you. Here are some examples:

• Honesty
• Courage
• Creativity
• Determination
• Resilience
• Integrity
• Motivation

Then, identify your negative personal qualities. Ask: What are my weaknesses? Consider all the qualities and characteristics that tend to sabotage the things that are important to you.

Here are some examples:

• Guilt
• Jealousy
• Impulsiveness
• Greed
• Obsession
• Possessiveness
• Pride

Now, think about your ability to choose wisely and make sound judgements and reflect on your list of personal qualities by asking:

• Which positive personal qualities tend to motivate my decisions?
• Which negative personal qualities tend to motivate my decisions?
• Which qualities lead to success and greater self-assurance?
• Which qualities tend to be my undoing?

When you make decisions based on your positive qualities, this creates positive intentions, which tend to produce better outcomes. Therefore, you’re less likely to self-sabotage, and much less likely to sabotage others. You’re also less likely to be the victim of sabotage.

There are some schools of thought that suggest self-assurance can be developed by faking it until you make it. This can work if you already have the necessary abilities, qualities and good judgement in place. Faking it until you make it won’t work if you haven’t attained the necessary skills and abilities to achieve what you set out to do.

Faking it until you make it won’t work if you haven’t identified your strengths and weaknesses, or if you’re a bad judge of character.

Your positive and negative personal qualities are the prime movers that drive your decisions in the right direction. Your skills and abilities, and your personal qualities can affect your judgment, which in turn, can influence your actions. Poor judgement reduces self-assurance. Sound judgements enhance self-assurance.

Self-assurance has the power to turn wishful thinking into reality. When you feel competent, you feel confident. It’s hard to trust in something you don’t have or own.

Self-assurance can be gained by being competent in the skills and abilities necessary to achieve your goals. Gaining extra skills if you need them, and living up to your strengths, and being aware of your weaknesses, can increase self-assurance.

Once you’ve identified and gained the required abilities, and embodied your personal qualities, and improved your capacity to make sound judgements, then your willingness to trust yourself may be easier. A self-assured attitude can prevail. A confident mindset becomes a reality, so you won’t have to fake it.