I often wonder if one of the reasons why it’s not easy to stick to a New Years resolution might have more to do with the people pleaser’s fear of success or fear of failure, and less to do with a lack of personal discipline.
When the definition of success means winning, then it’s easy to assume that failing is about losing. Nobody wants to be a loser, so we strive to win. The problem becomes one where winning creates losers. And losers can be jealous.
Being successful means there’s a good chance that others are not going to like you. You might be risking your popularity. What type of person is prepared to risk being unpopular?
If being successful means others might not like you, what do you do? You can get stuck going around in circles here because failing can mean you might end up not liking yourself.
Is it about winning and losing? Why can’t it be a win/win? Maybe this time you have to stop trying to please everyone. How could it be a win/win? Why do you persist in trying to please everyone?
It’s far too hard to be a people pleaser and expect success with a new year’s resolution. It creates too much pressure. You can’t keep doing this to yourself. You can’t be a people pleaser this year because you need this people pleasing energy for you. You need it so that you can be true to you. Sticking to new year’s resolutions takes guts. It takes strength of character to be able to stand up for yourself and what’s really important to you. If you don’t have the strength of character to do this, then develop this strength first, before putting yourself through another round of failed resolutions.
If your new year’s resolution is a matter of health, then it may come down to choosing between others not liking you or you not liking you. Who’s going to win? Who do you please? Will it be them, or will it be you?
Gail Goodwin 