Self-compassion is a more effective and sustainable motivator than self-criticism, especially for those of us who tend to push ourselves too hard.
Many of us have been taught, either explicitly or unconsciously, that being hard on ourselves is the best way to improve. If we don’t crack the whip, we’ll become lazy, mediocre, or weak. Experience has shown me the opposite. As a teacher and coach, I’ve learnt that teaching self-compassion leads to better motivation, more resilience, and greater long-term success.
Self-criticism triggers shame, and shame lowers motivation.
Gail Goodwin 2025
The thing is, when you criticise yourself harshly, you activate your body’s threat response. It’s the same system that kicks in when you’re being attacked. Your nervous system floods with cortisol, and you go into fight, flight, fawn, or freeze mode. Rather than motivate you, criticism ends up paralysing you.
Let’s say you miss a deadline. You start thinking, “I’m such a loser, I’m always messing things up.” You feel ashamed and overwhelmed, so you avoid the next task out of fear of failing again. As a result, you either procrastinate or push yourself to burnout.
Self-compassion doesn’t mean letting yourself off the hook. It means holding yourself accountable without judgment. In other words, with loving kindness. When you treat yourself with kindness, you stay grounded and open minded instead of spiraling into guilt. This allows you to learn from mistakes rather than get stuck in them, or worse, identify as a failure.1
So, let’s do a double take here. You miss the same deadline and say to yourself, “That was tough. I didn’t manage my time and energy well. I’ve been stretched thin.” You ask yourself, “What can I deprioritise2, delegate or shift so I can be more effective next time?” Instead of procrastinating or burning out, you choose clear, objective thinking and better planning that supports emotional recovery.
Self-criticism creates fear of failure, whereas self-compassion encourages learning and growth.
Gail Goodwin 2025
Self-criticism makes failure feel dangerous, so you tend to avoid challenges to protect yourself. But self-compassion creates a safe internal environment where trying, failing, reviewing, adjusting and trying again becomes part of the way forward. If you were a child, or you have children, which approach would you use?
A recent client wanted to start a business. The Inner Critic, their self-critical voice said: “You’re not cut out for this. If you fail, everyone will know you’re a fraud.” They were at risk of never getting started. But, their Inner Guide, their self-compassionate voice said: “You may not know everything, but you’re willing to learn. Everyone starts somewhere.”
People motivated by the voice of the Inner Critic, the voice of self-criticism, tend to operate from fear and exhaustion. Over time, this leads to burnout, anxiety, and low self-esteem. Whereas people motivated by their Inner Guide, and the voice of self-compassion, are fueled by their values, their soul’s purpose, and a deep sense of care for themselves and others. All of which creates long-term motivation that doesn’t drain them. And after recruiting their Entrepreneur archetype to assist their start-up business planning, they were able to draw on enough courage to take the first step.
Self-compassion fuels sustainable motivation.
Gail Goodwin 2025
It’s not uncommon for students studying for an exam, when stuck in their Inner Critic to think: “If you don’t ace this, you’re worthless.” This is motivation through fear. However, after acknowledging their Inner Guide, they’re able to activate self-compassion: “You care about learning and doing your best. Take breaks and give it what you can.” This is motivation through support. It’s about replacing a fixed mindset with a growth mindset.
It’s not about ignoring the voice of your Inner Critic. Ignoring it will send any useful messages it has for you underground, only to resurface like an active volcano, usually at the most inconvenient times, leading you to ask, “what just happened?” Or “was that really me?”
Acknowledging the voice and the value of your Inner Critic as equal to the Inner Guide is essential if you want to make way for the support of your Inner Guide to come forward. This approach helps you focus better, bounce back from setbacks, and retain more information.
While self-criticism might initially light a fire under you, it’s fierce and will burn you out. On the other hand, self-compassion lights a fire inside you, one that keeps you going. It’s one you can dial up and down as you need.
Being kind to yourself is not a weakness. It’s an internal strength. You need a clear sense of personal responsibility, personal boundaries, and personal honour to be internally strong. Rather than be your own enemy, you can choose to be your own ally, especially when the way ahead gets hard.
Gail Goodwin 
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