For much of my life, I felt guilty about setting personal boundaries—especially over the small things. Defining my limits around major issues was easier; my parents had taught me how to physically stand up for myself. But pleasing others was in my blood.

I feared offending people.
I didn’t want to leave anyone out.
I didn’t want to cast them aside or make them feel inferior.

I knew those emotions too well, and I didn’t want to inflict them on anyone else. It took me years to recognise that people-pleasing isn’t small stuff. It’s big stuff. It affects my emotional, mental, and spiritual well-being

Highly loyal people often struggle to break free from people-pleasing. It feels like devotion. Yet no matter how noble kindness may be, when it drains energy to the point of harming health and happiness, it is no longer a virtue. Too many people had taken advantage of my loyalty. It had become a pattern:

1. I allowed others to push me too far.
2. I felt hurt by their lack of consideration.
3. I reached a breaking point and walked away, severing the relationship entirely.

This was not an effective way to protect myself because by the time I finally set a boundary, I was too exhausted to maintain the connection.

I had spent so much time pleasing others that I forgot to please myself. Looking back, I can see those weren’t the best friendships. True friends don’t take advantage of each other. It was time for a spiritual transfusion. I replaced people-pleasing with mutual respect.

Boundaries are not just physical. We must also set emotional, mental, spiritual, and financial boundaries to safeguard our well-being. To reinforce my sense of personal power, I began focusing on each of these areas:

Physical Boundaries

To protect my physical well-being, I visualised seven key aspects that needed care:

• Physical survival – Nourishment, safety, health.
• Physical satisfaction – Comfort, pleasure, well-being.
• Physical independence – Strength, mobility, autonomy.
• Physical healing – Recovery, self-care, renewal.
• Physical expression – Movement, creativity, presence.
• Physical intelligence – Body awareness, intuition, self-trust.
• Physical interdependence – Healthy relationships, shared space.

Emotional Boundaries

These protect my inner landscape, ensuring emotional energy isn’t depleted by others:

• Emotional survival – Protecting inner peace.
• Emotional satisfaction – Allowing joy, love, and fulfillment.
• Emotional independence – Emotional self-sufficiency.
• Emotional healing – Processing and releasing wounds.
• Emotional expression – Feeling emotions fully.
• Emotional intelligence – Understanding emotions wisely.
• Emotional interdependence – Healthy emotional exchanges.

Mental Boundaries

Thoughts, beliefs, and reasoning require protection and nurture to evolve meaningfully:

• Mental survival – Clarity, discernment.
• Mental satisfaction – Intellectual curiosity, mental peace.
• Mental independence – Thinking for oneself.
• Mental healing – Releasing limiting beliefs.
• Mental expression – Speaking truth, sharing knowledge.
• Mental intelligence – Expanding wisdom.
• Mental interdependence – Engaging with diverse perspectives.

Spiritual Boundaries

These safeguard my connection to life force and purpose:

• Spiritual survival – Energy protection.
• Spiritual satisfaction – Meaning, alignment, purpose.
• Spiritual independence – Owning my spiritual path.
• Spiritual healing – Restoring harmony.
• Spiritual expression – Living my truth.
• Spiritual intelligence – Deepening wisdom.
• Spiritual interdependence – Connecting with collective consciousness.

Financial Boundaries

Financial security reinforces physical health, safety, and freedom:

• Financial survival – Managing resources wisely.
• Financial satisfaction – Stability and comfort.
• Financial independence – Self-sufficiency.
• Financial healing – Breaking unhealthy financial patterns.
• Financial expression – Handling money with integrity.
• Financial intelligence – Growing financial awareness.
• Financial interdependence – Ethical exchanges with others.

Our personal boundaries are the gateway to self-respect.

Gail Goodwin 2013

People-pleasing taught me an unexpected lesson: What I once thought was small stuff turned out to be major. And what I assumed was big stuff was often simpler than I imagined. When I lack boundaries, I become wide open and vulnerable to external forces. No one can establish boundaries for me. Only I can define and maintain them.

I have two choices:

1. The easy way – Paying attention to my inner and outer health before issues arise.
2. The hard way – Ignoring my own needs until others push or force me to stand up for myself.

Through experience, I’ve learned the hard way is not just unpleasant. It can be painful. Eventually, life will demand that I set boundaries. The question is: Will I do it proactively, or will I wait until I’m forced?

I choose to stand firm, protect my energy, and create a life built on mutual respect.